Only God knows how much time I’ve spent in this life people pleasing. It’s perhaps one of the hardest bad habits I’ve ever tried to break. It’s a daily battle but the less I do it, the more I’m able to recognize that what others think of me is irrelevant. As long as I’m doing my best to live righteously (and not only in my strength), then I can rest knowing that what others think does not reflect who I am.
But it took so long to get here (and by here, I only mean closer to my goal of being totally free from it). I mean, years and years and years of people pleasing behind me brought me to today where I’m finally starting not to pay attention to what others think of me. I was never fully comfortable in my own skin. I’m just now starting to be. Why did it take me so long???
Seeking Human Connection & Approval
I’ve always longed for connection with those around me. Just like most people I would imagine. That hasn’t changed. I still like to connect but I’m working towards no longer gaining my confidence from whether or not I’m liked by someone. Hard lesson to learn after growing up trying to get respect and confidence by being someone everyone liked. When you put that kind of pressure on yourself, it’s unattainable and then you just get stuck in the cycle of feeling like you’re inadequate because you can never meet those standards. I mean really, no one can be everything to everyone.
“…no one can be everything to everyone.”
And the fruit that people pleasing yields? For me it was anxiety, obsessive thinking, overthinking, analyzing and the list goes on. Time is too precious to be anything other than who God made you to be. Read that again.
What Being True to Yourself Really Means
Let’s get a bit deeper. What do I mean by being yourself? I mean you need to stay true to yourself. What I don’t mean is for you to use who you are as a way to justify chasing after all your desires. Doing whatever you want is just an excuse in today’s world that people throw around to excuse their behavior. No, being true to yourself means being true to the best version of who you are meant to be. That’s how you find joy, contentment, confidence and love that will combat the people pleasing and pleasure seeking that looks for approval in the wrong places. The only approval that matters is that of God.
“… being true to yourself means being true to the best version of who you are meant to be.”
Remember This When You’re Struggling with People-Pleasing
Know Who God Says You Are
To combat people-pleasing, I look to who He says I am in Him. Afterall, who knows me better than my Creator?
As a follower of Christ, I am in Him and the Bible says:
- I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
- I am adopted into God’s family (Ephesians 1:5)
- I am set apart and heard by God (Psalm 4:3)
No human opinion can take away your God given identity.
Know Your God-given Purpose
Every one of us has a greater purpose than ourselves, so know your purpose. It doesn’t have to be your unique calling just yet. The Word says when we follow Him we are to:
- Love (1 John 4:7)
- Be tenderhearted towards others (Eph 4:32)
- Serve others through good works (Ephesians 2:10).
- Walk in light and discern what is pleasing to the Lord (Ephesians 5:10).
This is just a small sampling of what we’re called to do. It is a simple list but it should help us have perspective of what really matters.
Practice telling yourself that being important to those who truly love you is more than enough
This positive self-talk has helped me tremendously when it comes to placing correct value on the right people in my life. By reminding myself that I am loved and accepted by God, family and friends, there is no need for me to seek approval of anyone else.
A note for those who may have questions
Some of you reading this may read the first and second suggestions and struggle with the same thoughts I did: 1. I don’t know my specific calling in life 2. God’s Word applies to everyone who believes in Him, so I’m not really that special. Firstly, you don’t need to know your specific calling to live how you are called to live as a believer. I believe when you are faithful in the small things, then the bigger things will come. So try taking a step of faith and live a holy life before you worry about the unique calling on your life. Eventually, through prayer, learning your gifts and discernment you will be able to know what calling or callings God has just for you. Secondly, thought number two is a LIE from the enemy. Push that kind of thinking away. We are each a unique creation to God, and you are indeed special. Repetition is key to getting the truth of God rooted in your mind where it becomes second nature to shoo away such bad self-talk.
Seek His Perspective About Yourself
He knows you. He loves you, and I’m betting He may just even like those things about you that you can’t stand about yourself. Seek His perspective when it comes to viewing yourself (talking to myself here, too).
Let’s Talk
What are some things you need to start having a different perspective of when it comes to viewing yourself?
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