Strong By Faith

Let’s Talk About Having Jesus & Anxiety

December 28, 2023

I’ve been told before that having anxiety is damnable. That then, of course didn’t help my anxiety at all. But, I’m older now and I see anxiety as a normal part of my life, especially due to my bipolar disorder. I struggle with self-esteem on a daily basis. Some days are worse than others and some days are great, but I’m on a path of being stable for myself and my family. Can I say I’m a follower of Jesus when I struggle with anxiety and depression? Yes!

Let’s talk about realness. What’s real are the hardships of anxiety and depression. What’s also real is Jesus’ love for us and the power we have in Him when we believe in Him. So, with both things being true, then how we manage our symptoms of anxiety and depression is key. Do I fall victim to it or do I fall on my knees in prayer to try to rise above? Do I use my faith to rise above or my own strength?

Let me tell you something. For those who deal with anxiety and depression, your strength alone will not be enough. It takes His supernatural strength to carry on and to have hope that endures. Don’t make the mistake of believing you can do it on your own. You were never meant to. God created us for fellowship and His design is for each of us to carry one another’s burdens, just as He carries ours. So friend, I want to tell you today, if you are stuck deep in anxiety or depression, love yourself enough to cast that burden on Him. Because He is enough, and His love for you covers everything.
As a Stay at Home Mom, This is What I Miss About Working

December 27, 2023

Not sure who out there gives this much thought, but I’ve heard from my therapist that there are a lot of moms like me struggling with being at home, especially after having a career. The work I do in my home is perhaps – no, not perhaps – IS – the greatest work I’ll do in my life. It is purposeful beyond any mission statement that I have worked to support in the corporate world. But, then why do I tend to have my moments of struggle?

Now, to be clear, I am aware of just how privileged I am to be able to stay at home with my kids. I understand some may never be able to afford the opportunity of being home. In fact, I believed that was me until three years ago. You see, for most of my marriage, I was the breadwinner and also carried our health insurance, so I felt a lot of pressure to get it all right so that my family could have what they need. I definitely got a taste of what it feels like for the hardworking man who carries it all on his shoulders. And let me tell you, I was definitely not cut out for it. I was laid off once, and from that point on, I was so very anxious about losing another job. My anxiety only grew as I made more and took on more responsibilities at work. More than anything, I realized that I was defining success only in workplace terms, and that wasn’t where I wanted to be spending my time. I wanted to be at home shaping my children, being there for every moment, good or bad.

What I Miss About Working

So, what do I miss about working?

Let’s be real, please. At times, I miss pulling in a second income. Who couldn’t use more dough?

I miss working towards goals.

I miss the camaraderie that working offered and the rapport that I was able to build up with coworkers.

Three years into being a homeschool mom and I’m still struggling at times with purpose of my role, establishing friendships, and feeling appreciated. Can I have all the things I miss about working as a stay at home mom? Absolutely! I just find it takes some more concerted effort to do that.

So, bringing a solution to the problem, I find my personality type would find more purpose with some sort of side hustle (I’m in the middle of experimenting with a few things), I will aim to be more goal oriented, and I’ll push my comfort zone to go out and form new friendships.

Comparison as a Stay at Home Mom

Comparison is a tiresome game, but I feel that being at home is when one can easily be pulled into it. Is my house as beautiful as these people’s? Are my kids’ school performance up to the standards of these other kids? Am I using my time as efficiently as these other people? No doubt, I must get out of my own head as a stay at home mom. How will I do that?

To stop the comparison, I will care only about the unique traits of my family versus what other people are doing. Every homeschool family is different. My boys are unique – their learning styles, their skillsets, and their talents. Even my parenting style is unique as well as my approach to teaching. I do my best to keep them engaged in their work and as a homeschool mom, I give myself a pat on the back for that.

Let’s Talk

Are you a mom who can relate to this post? What’s your story?
3 Things You Can Do to Stop People Pleasing

December 11, 2023
Only God knows how much time I’ve spent in this life people pleasing. It’s perhaps one of the hardest bad habits I’ve ever tried to break. It’s a daily battle but the less I do it, the more I’m able to recognize that what others think of me is irrelevant. As long as I’m doing my best to live righteously (and not only in my strength), then I can rest knowing that what others think does not reflect who I am.

But it took so long to get here (and by here, I only mean closer to my goal of being totally free from it). I mean, years and years and years of people pleasing behind me brought me to today where I’m finally starting not to pay attention to what others think of me. I was never fully comfortable in my own skin. I’m just now starting to be. Why did it take me so long???

Seeking Human Connection & Approval

I’ve always longed for connection with those around me. Just like most people I would imagine. That hasn’t changed. I still like to connect but I’m working towards no longer gaining my confidence from whether or not I’m liked by someone. Hard lesson to learn after growing up trying to get respect and confidence by being someone everyone liked. When you put that kind of pressure on yourself, it’s unattainable and then you just get stuck in the cycle of feeling like you’re inadequate because you can never meet those standards. I mean really, no one can be everything to everyone.

“…no one can be everything to everyone.”

And the fruit that people pleasing yields? For me it was anxiety, obsessive thinking, overthinking, analyzing and the list goes on. Time is too precious to be anything other than who God made you to be. Read that again.

What Being True to Yourself Really Means

Let’s get a bit deeper. What do I mean by being yourself? I mean you need to stay true to yourself. What I don’t mean is for you to use who you are as a way to justify chasing after all your desires. Doing whatever you want is just an excuse in today’s world that people throw around to excuse their behavior. No, being true to yourself means being true to the best version of who you are meant to be. That’s how you find joy, contentment, confidence and love that will combat the people pleasing and pleasure seeking that looks for approval in the wrong places. The only approval that matters is that of God.

“… being true to yourself means being true to the best version of who you are meant to be.”

Remember This When You’re Struggling with People-Pleasing

Know Who God Says You Are
To combat people-pleasing, I look to who He says I am in Him. Afterall, who knows me better than my Creator?

As a follower of Christ, I am in Him and the Bible says:
- I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
- I am adopted into God’s family (Ephesians 1:5)
- I am set apart and heard by God (Psalm 4:3)
No human opinion can take away your God given identity.

Know Your God-given Purpose
Every one of us has a greater purpose than ourselves, so know your purpose. It doesn’t have to be your unique calling just yet. The Word says when we follow Him we are to:
- Love (1 John 4:7)
- Be tenderhearted towards others (Eph 4:32)
- Serve others through good works (Ephesians 2:10).
- Walk in light and discern what is pleasing to the Lord (Ephesians 5:10).
This is just a small sampling of what we’re called to do. It is a simple list but it should help us have perspective of what really matters.

Practice telling yourself that being important to those who truly love you is more than enough

This positive self-talk has helped me tremendously when it comes to placing correct value on the right people in my life. By reminding myself that I am loved and accepted by God, family and friends, there is no need for me to seek approval of anyone else.

A note for those who may have questions

Some of you reading this may read the first and second suggestions and struggle with the same thoughts I did: 1. I don’t know my specific calling in life 2. God’s Word applies to everyone who believes in Him, so I’m not really that special. Firstly, you don’t need to know your specific calling to live how you are called to live as a believer. I believe when you are faithful in the small things, then the bigger things will come. So try taking a step of faith and live a holy life before you worry about the unique calling on your life. Eventually, through prayer, learning your gifts and discernment you will be able to know what calling or callings God has just for you. Secondly, thought number two is a LIE from the enemy. Push that kind of thinking away. We are each a unique creation to God, and you are indeed special. Repetition is key to getting the truth of God rooted in your mind where it becomes second nature to shoo away such bad self-talk.

Seek His Perspective About Yourself

He knows you. He loves you, and I’m betting He may just even like those things about you that you can’t stand about yourself. Seek His perspective when it comes to viewing yourself (talking to myself here, too).

Let’s Talk

What are some things you need to start having a different perspective of when it comes to viewing yourself?
Reflecting on Loss this Holiday Season

December 9, 2023

The holidays tend to bring about reminiscence of old memories, nostalgia or even pain for what is missed. For me, this time of year has me thinking of a house filled with many children scampering about that I longed to have but didn’t get to (I suffered multiple miscarriages but two miracle baby boys did come out of it). I’m not filled with sadness over it, just reflection.

Gladness Over Sadness

I find I don’t become saddened by my losses anymore. It’s hard to be overcome by sadness when I think about the goodness of the life they now have in heaven with Jesus, a life far better than what I ever could have given them here on earth. There’s also the goodness of what I currently have. That took me a while to get, and I’ll save that for another post. Gratitude for the present is huge to take our focus off of the past.

Focusing on Goodness

Perhaps you can relate with a history of miscarriages or maybe you have had another type of loss. Whoever it is that you miss dearly especially during this season, I challenge us to focus on the goodness of what is or who that person was and not on the loss itself. What did that person you lost leave behind? What can you impart to others based on who they were?

Of course, I think it wonderful when you can remember a person for who they were – qualities, appearance and every quirk that made them who they were to you. I had not yet even begun to imagine what every life in my womb could have been. But I imagine there would have been a lot of rambunctiousness going on 🙂 One day I will get to know every child of mine as if they were never missing from my life.

Perhaps loss of life is not something you can relate to at this time but loss of a relationship, job, dreams, hope or even faith.

Whatever ails your mental health today, I pray for peace over the situation. Let there be any good you can identify and let that be magnified. And if you are sitting here still wondering what good there may be to find, I encourage you to seek Jesus because He is good. And He will open a world for you that you’ve never seen before if you let Him. In another post, I will share my testimony about the goodness of the Lord and what He’s done in my life.

Let’s Talk

Who are what are you reminded of this holiday season? Will you be doing anything special in remembrance of your loved one?
3 Ways to Support Someone After a Mental Health Crisis

December 8, 2023

What would you say to someone who had just recently lost their mental grounding? I find most people aren’t prepared to respond to this kind of news when it hits, so I want to offer up some advice to anyone that knows of someone who has gone through a serious mental health crisis. This post will help you have a better response than just an, “I’m sorry.”

1. Offer Acceptance

As someone who has been through it, I can honestly say that what someone is looking for after being through a crisis is acceptance. They want to know their mental health episode has not scared you away, and that you still plan on being in their life. One of my dear friends did this for me when I came out of the hospital, and for me, it was exactly the type of thing I needed to hear to make me feel comfortable around her as well as to help me be more accepting of myself.

2. Ask Questions

If you know this person, do not be afraid to ask questions about their experiences with their episode. I know that when I had the chance to recount what had happened in my mind with my husband or a friend that I felt so relieved that I could talk about it. It helped me to process what had happened, and I felt supported. Their questions made me feel like they cared, and the discussion only deepened our bonds.

3. Organize a Meal Train

Doing this or relieving any other mentally draining activities for your loved one will do wonders. It can take weeks or months for one’s mind to feel normal again due to med changes and adjustments after a psychiatric hospital stay, so a meal train especially can be a great way to support someone through that period of time.

I hope this article was helpful! What other ways would you support someone through a mental health crisis?
Mental Illness Stigma: How Can We Break It?

December 7, 2023

Mental health is still health. I think most people are accepting of that these days. But why is there still such stigma around mental illness? I’ve experienced the way people push away what they don’t understand. Or the way they mislabel what they don’t understand. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. And perhaps the biggest journeying I’ve done in my life was overcoming the hurdle of accepting my own mental illness.

In 2016, a couple months after giving birth to my second child, I was diagnosed with post partum psychosis. Fast forward a year and a half later and I was told I have bipolar. In the next few years that followed, I came down with psychosis a few more times. The last time was the worst time. And it finally allowed me to accept my bipolar I diagnosis.

Why stigma?

I’m not quite sure why I couldn’t accept my own illness. Perhaps I was thinking I did something to bring it upon myself. I do know that it was very difficult to accept the fact that I’d have to be on medication for the entirety of my life. I’m over that now that I see the difference it makes in my quality of life for me and my family. The stigma from others I believe truly comes from a place of not understanding, and I think that sometimes mental illness can be so ugly that others may not even want to understand. Instead, someone may want to point to a different direction, distract from what the real issue is and try to find something that is a more comfortable explanation for what is happening.

Breaking the Stigma Over Mental Illness

I believe the only way to break the stigma of mental illness is by talking about it. I’m sure this happens much more often these days but in certain settings it is not done or not done frequently enough. In speaking with my therapist, it seems fair to say that mental illness should be a topic talked about more often in the church. Based on my experience in the workplace, I would say there is a lot of room for improvement there, too. My previous work experience showed me that mental illness can be mistaken for lack of self-care. Yes, self-care is definitely important, but I believe it cannot be the sole cause for someone being sick or not when it comes to a mental health diagnosis.

I hope for this blog to be a place where others can openly comment about their own mental health experiences and a place for education for those who may not know a lot about the topic (although I’m not a mental health professional, I will do my best to speak regarding my own experiences).

What areas of mental health do you struggle with? Are you managing any mental health diagnosis?
Taking Thoughts Captive

December 6, 2023

Things are pretty calm in my life right now. After years that seemed to hold wave after wave, with pregnancy struggles, some financial mishaps, mental illness and holding down a full-time job while mothering and maintaining a home, I am now in a different place in life. I get to be home with my boys, finances are under control, a large mental health struggle is behind me, and there is peace. Things are good. But with things being good, there is the tempting thought of “I am in a good place. I don’t need to pray.” I combat these thoughts by reminding myself that anything good in this life flows out of His goodness. So, if there is anything to pray about (and there always is), then I must pray. What a blessed and privileged life I have that I am so comfortable I can almost slip into believing the lie of the enemy that I am good without God because things are good.

I pray that anyone that comes across this kind of thinking can hold it captive immediately because if not, faith is something that slowly erodes. It is not an overnight occurrence. Thank God that I can slow down, recognize the thoughts, call them out as lies and continue walking in faith with Him. Thank God for the wisdom to have a humble heart so we can identify these lies.

It is easy for me to say this as I am in a good place right now. I understand difficulties make it harder for one to want to pursue Him. But know the road without Him would be a darker one. Choose wisely.

To make it clear, I don’t look back on my life and have full satisfaction of my faith journey. During hard times I’ve definitely been emotionally led first and Spirit led only after my meltdowns. I’m learning not to be so reactionary to life’s unexpected troubles. Perhaps it’s something that comes better with age. I seek wisdom more than anything else and peace is the main thing I aim to keep in my home. The only guide I follow to obtain these standards is Jesus.

Seeking Peace

If you’re seeking peace, Jesus can do that. I recall the peace I had when I had to choose between never having the opportunity to have a baby again or risk losing my life trying. Emotionally, every ounce of me wanted to keep trying for another baby. Wisdom told me it would not be worth my life and most importantly, the loss of me to my boys, to keep trying. So, I chose to have a hysterectomy at 32 years old. Amidst the emotional pain of my circumstance, there was an underlying peace that it was the right decision. Still, I struggled with that action as I saw others growing their families. I was jealous of their capability of growing their families naturally and it was hard for me to be happy for them. A few years down the road, God placed my family next to a retired resident nurse. I explained to her the circumstances of my hysterectomy and she assured me that the peace I felt was God’s protection over me because I truly could have lost my life with a recurring pregnancy after all the trauma my uterus had already suffered. Although the surgeon told me this years prior, my head was not in the right place to hear him. But at hearing this from my neighbor, I was put at ease and I could finally let the subject rest. With this, I was able to put aside jealousy for others and truly be happy for the life they get to bring into the world.

My account points to the emotional heights I rise to! But please don’t let that be the takeaway. To get to the point, whether it be emotions or those sneaky thoughts that come from pride or something else, we must keep our eye on what His Word tells us to do.

What are your circumstances right now? Do you know the peace of Jesus?
Finding Self-Care as a Stay at Home Mom

December 5, 2023

Spending every day and nearly all my hours with my kids. I cherish this. But I find myself chasing the self-care moments I tend to need for my sanity. When my boys were little, my “me” time was my lunch hour every day of the week. I’d have time to eat a healthy lunch, go for a brisk walk and be alone. Welp, those days are gone now, and so, I need to be much more clever about how I find the time for myself.

So, my solution has been to make my first morning cup of coffee my first few minutes of time alone. No matter what is going on, that few minutes means the world to me! Then, we have our independent reading time for 20 minutes every week day, and that also gives me some more time. This is when I do my best to dive into the Word (I tend to spend time in the Word in small spurts during the day because it can be hard to find concrete back to back time). This is just what this looks for me right now, and I’m okay with that.

Sometimes, I am able to muster up the motivation to walk around my neighborhood first thing in the morning, but let’s be honest. That ain’t happening everyday. Not yet anyways, there will be a day!

What are some creative ways you’re finding time for self-care while being home with your children? Do you deal with any guilt when you do?
Mental Health and Social Media

December 4, 2023

Let’s face it. Mental health is a real issue, we all have minds. We all have brains. We all need to be healthy. One of my big points of struggle when it comes to mental health is social media. Tell me if you can relate.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about social media and how lack of presence on it gives me a case of FOMO. I feel I’m missing out on getting to know my friends if I’m not connecting with them online on a regular basis. It seems people have so much more to talk about when they do. I tend to think that because of this they are closer, too. I am quite aware that all my connections online are not friends. Just like IRL, there are acquaintances, friends, closer friends and family. I tend to keep my life in those buckets. If I’m your friend, you will hear from me through text or a phone call, and you certainly will hear updates from me *in person* not via online.

Does anyone else have this FOMO around social media if you’re not as active on it as others that you know?
I’m doing it.

December 3, 2023

I’m doing it. I tried several years ago but I’m doing it again. I will start this blog and see what happens. Writing is so cathartic to me, and if my experiences can impact even just one person on this earth, then I think of it as a job well done. Through my shared experiences on loss, mental illness, marriage, parenting, and whatever else I encounter from day to day, I hope you may be touched. This will be a blog dedicated to being truly authentic. My life is not perfect and may it be said now, my faith is the only thing that keeps me strong, it’s what pushes me. Without it, I just wouldn’t have it in me. I’ve had quite a faith journey, and I will share that with you through time as well. So, whoever you are, thank you for giving me a chance to entertain, for listening to my story, and I hope we can walk together through relatable, if not shared, experiences.

Who am I?

I’m a former corporate marketer gone homeschooler. After 12 years in the rat race, I was able to quit my marketing job and stay home with my two miracle boys. I understand both the working mom and stay at home mom lifestyles. I hope I can be encouraging and uplifting to you, no matter which path you walk for your family. Currently, I’m rediscovering my passions because I can truly say I lost myself in this whole picture of being a mama.