Lately, I’ve been noticing the kinds of people God has been surrounding me with in life. They’re doers. Me? I do but only once I’ve procrastinated some. But why do I do this? Well, it’s as if I think I’m buying myself time from facing bad results. I have a huge fear problem.
History of a Bad Habit
Many, many times I have seen myself sabotage good things before they ever came to be because of this fear. I remember as far back as seventh grade, I won first place in my grade level for spelling and was nominated to enter the state spelling bee. I turned it down and said the second place winner should go. I was afraid to fail.
I also remember in 10th grade being invited to go with my jazz ensemble to a trip to Boston but I made up an excuse and said I couldn’t go. I was afraid of failing socially.
As I got older, the habit perpetuated. In my career, I was afraid to speak up and voice my ideas for fear of rejection. My motto was to let my work do the talking, which is great and all, but I learned how from those years how important self advocacy can be. I eventually did win over some work colleagues and was granted a new role where I could offer up my expertise. I shied away from taking lead in that role because of, you guessed it, fear of failure.
Yes, this is a pattern in my life. But I can’t imagine I’m the only one. Let’s call out this bad habit and start taking action. The fear does not control us, and it shouldn’t keep us from pressing on.
Breaking the Fear
As I fast forward into my late thirties, I am forced to look at the truth. I must make moves now or let that much time pass again before I do something. Now, I don’t want to discount at all the things I have gone on to do – graduating from college with a double minor, ten year career, getting married, having kids, having some freelance work, homeschooling, and this blog! I have desires within me that have gone unfulfilled. More opportunities are arising and I want to make sure I am learning from those around me, not comparing myself to them because they are doing x,y, and z while I sit back.
So, how can I and others like me get over this debilitating fear?
Steps to Fight Fear and Make Moves
- First of all, let’s identify the lie. We must know our battle before we fight it. The battle we face is the lie of fear. What are all the ways you fear? List them out. How have you given into the fear? Write it down.
- Take time to think about the other side of the scenario. In what ways can you succeed? Be affirmed? Be embraced? Be accepted? Be loved?
- Who can you go to now to find encouragement through the fear? Know who your trusted circle is and don’t be shy about asking for some support.
Know that aside from friends and family, the one source of truth you can go to for all these is God’s word.
Here’s are some encouraging words from scripture:
* Jesus “comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:4
* “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” – Philippians 4:6
* “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” – Psalm 34:4
* “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10 - Write out a list of all your accomplishments. Even mentioning my accomplishments in this blog post has given me a boost of confidence that I can accomplish more than that. What difference will it make for you?
- Make plans and take action – today. 5 years ago I thought of a blog but just didn’t make it happen until this year. Take action today, no matter how small that step be, to work towards your goal.
- Tell friends and have them keep you accountable. I used to go after things without sharing them. This did not help me. But now, if ever an idea pops up and I want to commit, I’ll share with a friend. It keeps me motivated to see it through and I also have a built-in accountability partner.
- Be okay with the possiblility of failure. I learned a valuable lesson from my time at a tech investment firm – embrace failure. Failure is the launching pad for the next success in your life. You make plans, do your best and see what happens.
- Leave the results up to God.
We must relinquish control of the results and let God handle them. I encourage prayer over your work and time (and financial) investment, but ultimately, we can’t control what we can’t control after we’ve done our best.
Benefits of Breaking the Fear
Since I’ve started going for opportunities that arise – growing my social circle, pursuing a business venture, writing this blog – I notice:
- Comparison does not consume me as it used to because I’m living my own life, doing my own things, and am no longer wanting to spend my time doing it. Just because of this benefit, my quality of life has drastically improved since saying no to fear.
- The more I do and make time for, the more motivated I am to get it done! I have a better self-confidence around what I can do when I actually start taking action.
I’m sure there’s so many other benefits to list here, but this is what I’m noticing on my own as I commit to more things lately.
Let’s Talk
Have you conquered or are you working on conquering any bad habits in your life? What’s that look like, and what impact is it having on your life?
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